Posts Tagged ‘Relationships’

May We Please Speak with the Lady of the House: How is Camille Cosby?

July 20, 2015
What lies behind the smile? Let's hope it is not fear. (Photo Credit: pubsub.com)

What lies behind the smile? Let’s hope it is not fear. (Photo Credit: pubsub.com)

You can’t help but feel sorry for Camille Cosby. She is the beautiful, and apparently long-suffering wife of comedic legend Bill Cosby. For awhile it seemed as if she had it all. She wasn’t one of those people who jump on the bandwagon of an already shining star.  She married Cosby long before his career reached the stellar heights of “The Cosby Show”. She was there from the beginning. They had five wonderful children together and seemed, to the casual observer, to be a loving and close-knit family. It’s wonderful to be lavished with gifts such as new bracelets, necklaces or rings; But Cosby flew to the top of gift-giving husbands when he brought his wife an honest-to-goodness jet. Many of my girlfriends and I wanted to be her. But oh we had no idea what we were wishing for.

Cosby has been embroiled for the last few years in tales of his questionable sexual conduct. The problem is that these encounters were not with his wife, but allegedly, with a host of other women. Everyone loves the song “Stand by your Man”, and no one has the right to tell someone how to handle their marriage, but Camille seems to be handling this situation, and Cosby, with exceptionally gentle kid gloves. We don’t know how she has been responding to the situation behind closed doors, but her interviews bespeak a woman who is cool, calm and accepting.

Whatever is going on at home, not everyone is built to handle disappointment well. People and organizations left and right are fighting to have Cosby’s accolades rescinded. There have been talks of removing his star on the Hollywood Walk of Fame, and Disney is even considering removing a bronze bust of him from their theme park. A man can become moody is he loses a regular 9-to-5 job, so it has to be  much worse to see your public image bursting like the bubbles in the plastic that you wrap valuables in. And who is usually home to bear the brunt of a disgraced husband’s frustrations? Yes, the wife. Let’s pray Camille will be okay.

 

My Stomach Sank Just A Little

June 29, 2015

Pamela Kay Noble Brown

Update:  On Friday, June 26, 2015, the Supreme Court ruled that same-sex unions are now to be recognized as legal marriages in all 50 states. This original blog below expressed my thoughts three years ago when it was up to individual states to decide the legality of it all. It even more so reflects my feelings now that it has become the law of the land, and I feel compelled to post it again. Thank you.

“My stomach sank just a little”. These were the words spoken by a pastor Wednesday evening after President Barack Obama infamously became the first sitting American President to support same-sex marriage. I have to admit that these words also come very close to describing the tightening feeling knotted in my own gut the moment I heard the President’s interview. I’ll tell you why.

Every since I first heard of Barack Obama, I…

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Don’t get married until you read this; it could change your life

June 9, 2015
This is the easy part. Your life growing together in Christ is where the work really begins. (Photo Credit:  en.wikipedia.org)

This is the easy part. Your life growing together in Christ is where the work really begins. (Photo Credit: en.wikipedia.org)

Hi friends. Catch your breath and pull up a chair. Believe me when I tell you I just read one of the best articles on marriage I have ever read. I told my friend that first shared it on Facebook, that I feel it should be required reading for everyone before they walk down the aisle. A lot of it should be common sense, but I guess it’s just so easy to get caught up in the blissful feelings of love and forget about mundane things like common sense. So I am sharing the entire article with the disclaimer that full credit for the authorship and ownership (and all rights included therein)  of this article that appeared on boundless.org belongs to author Felicia Alvarez. And now without further ado, I bring to you this game changer in the litanies on marriage.

Your Future Marriage is Bigger Than You

When you first meet Ryan and Cyndi Livingston, you are immediately drawn in by their smiles and genuineness. They truly care about everyone. At church picnics, while everyone else is comfortably sitting with their group of friends, they spot the not-so-popular or new people who are by themselves and go chat with them. They are a young couple with three beautiful little girls, but you can tell that while they love each other and their children deeply, their main passion is Jesus. Their passion for Christ overflows into a sincere love for others.

I had the privilege of interacting with them multiple times each week at church functions, and every time I was blown away by how they served the Lord together. One evening in particular, as I watched this couple pray together with an elderly lady from our church, it dawned on me: This is how marriage should be.

Marriage should be about serving the Lord — about reaching people with the Gospel and impacting the world for Christ.

Yet we forget that simple truth so easily. We think life and relationships are about us and our happiness. But in reality, our future marriage is part of a bigger picture. Not only does it affect us as individuals, it affects our children, our family, our church, our community, our world, and it even affects eternity.

Start With the Right Outlook

I had always known that marriage was about Christ and His kingdom, but I had lost sight of it in my search for a spouse. I had forgotten that I wasn’t just looking for a roommate, a financial partner, a lover, or a father for my future children; I was looking for someone with whom I could build a godly legacy.

It saddened me that I had failed to apply this concept. In the past, I would date someone who was cute, had a good job, and went to church on Sunday — but his influence didn’t make me more like Jesus. Even though I knew he was pulling me away from Christ, I was so desperate for a boyfriend I would stay in the relationship.

Sound familiar?

Unfortunately, I’ve met many Christian girls who have also done this. Let’s face it: The pickings are slim, so we are happy to accept anyone who goes to church (even if it’s just once a month) and treats us semi-decently. It’s so easy to excuse the truth — that he isn’t the person God intended for you — because we want companionship, we want marriage. But a poor marriage could actually hinder you from doing all God has for you to do.

The Bible doesn’t say, “It is God’s will that you should be married.” Instead, 1 Thessalonians 4:3 says, “It is God’s will that you should be sanctified.” Therefore, God’s will for all His children, whether married or unmarried, is sanctification.

Your future spouse will be the primary influence of your spiritual life, so choose carefully. We must remember that marriage will not only affect our children and community spiritually, but it will also significantly impact our own spiritual growth for better or for worse.

How to Find a Legacy Man, and Does He Even Exist?

At this point, you’re probably thinking that the odds of finding a godly legacy man are as likely as finding a leprechaun. Let me assure you: Godly men do exist. However, sometimes we don’t see them because we’re not focused on the right things.

Timothy Keller in his book The Meaning of Marriage shares some wisdom from his wife, Kathy:

Most people, when they are looking for a spouse, are looking for a finished statue when they should be looking for a wonderful block of marble. Not so that you can create the kind of person you want, but rather because you see what kind of person Jesus is making…. When looking for a marriage partner, each must be able to look inside the other and see what God is doing and be excited about being part of the process of liberating the emerging ‘new you.’

Bottom line: Don’t look for perfection, but do look for evidence of godly growth.

I’ve listed below some questions that, when answered humbly and honestly, may help guide you as you seek who the Lord has for you.

1. Does he love Christ the most?

If he loves Christ the most, you can be sure that love will extend into how he treats you and others around him. You will see godly fruit of “love, joy, peace, forbearance, kindness, goodness, faithfulness, gentleness and self-control” in his everyday life (Galatians 5:22-23).

Fruit is the evidence of God working in a person’s life. If a man is growing in Christ, you can rest assured that he will lead with love, and you can confidently trust him with your life and future.

2. Does he encourage you to become more like Jesus?

In Sacred Marriage, author Gary Thomas writes, “We must not enter marriage predominately to be fulfilled, emotionally satisfied, or romantically charged, but rather to become more like Jesus Christ.”

Our goal should be to be with someone who spurs us on in our Christian walk and whom we can likewise encourage. This encouragement comes from his living out his faith by talking to you about what the Lord is doing in his life and praying and studying God’s Word with you.

3. Does he love you as Christ loved the church?

Ephesians 5:25 says, “Husbands, love your wives, as Christ loved the church and gave himself up for her.” If he loves you as Christ loves the church, he will love you sacrificially and strive to put you first in his life before hobbies, friends and work.

4. Can you serve the Lord with him?

Our purpose in marriage is to multiply the kingdom of God, and that doesn’t just mean by having lots of kids. It also means by reaching the world for Christ. If you and your boyfriend are currently serving the Lord together, that is exactly how it should be.

My Story

I did not ignore these questions when I first met my husband, Tim. I took a different approach than I had in previous relationships by centering the relationship on the Lord rather than my own needs or wants. I asked myself, “Does this relationship have the potential for godly growth?” and “Based off what I know about this man, could I see myself serving the Lord with him for years to come?” The answer was “yes,” so we continued to seek the Lord together as a couple.

In previous relationships, guys had told me all the right things, but they never lived out their words. I then realized that it’s not so much about hearing the right answers as it is seeing the right answers.

The reason I trusted Tim to be my husband was because I had not just heard, but experienced each one of the answers. I had witnessed his leadership and servant heart on a daily basis. Tim led me to the Lord and made me a better, godlier person. Because I had seen the fruit of godly leadership, I had a peace that I had never before experienced in a relationship. The Lord affirmed in my heart that Tim was the one with whom I would build, by the grace of God, a Christ-centered legacy.

Summing It Up

A godly legacy is not built on shared hobbies, but on a shared pursuit of Christ. Marriage is bigger than us — it’s about more than satisfying our wants and needs.

From experience, I know it’s easy to get caught up in a consumer or holier-than-thou mentality when looking for a legacy, so be careful. Remember, you are not just looking out for your best interest, but also for his. You should want him to find someone with whom he can also serve the Lord. In fact, if it’s a wrong relationship, acting in his best interest might mean breaking up with him in a loving and gracious way.

You will never find perfection, but with the Lord’s guidance, you can find someone with whom to build a godly legacy. So date with that heavenly mind, and know that your marriage today will influence the generations of tomorrow.

Ice cold; social media and Bobbi Kristina’s daddy

April 24, 2015

By now many of us have heard the tragic story of how Bobbi Kristina Brown was found facedown in a tub of water and now, months later is still fighting for her life. Lately I’ve been reading some comments by what I call Cyber Hope Stealers that are very disturbing.

Bobbi Kristina and her parents   (Photo credit: globalgrind.com)

Bobbi Kristina and her parents (Photo credit: globalgrind.com)

Bobbi Kristina has always been in the spotlight. Her parents Whitney Houston and Bobby Brown were so famous that it seemed the world, at least music lovers, waited with bated breath for the birth of their precious baby girl. Probably a major reason that the news of Bobbi Kristina’s tragedy hit the public so hard, is that we’d watched her parents grow up and become major successes in the entertainment field. We followed their whirlwind courtship and vicariously enjoyed their fairytale wedding in a New Jersey palace.

Family fun at that magical place.  ( photo credit: theurbandaily.com)

Family fun at that magical place. ( photo credit: theurbandaily.com)

Despite the maddening pace and pressures her parents faced in the music industry, there seemed to have been moments of pure family fun and laughter. After all, Micky and Minnie Mouse can make all of our troubles disappear, even if only for a day. To the very end of 15 years of marriage, Brown and Houston pledged their love to each other. But I’ll never forget asking a divorced friend years ago why she and her husband split when to onlookers they appeared so much in love. She said that it was sad to admit, but the truth is you can love someone with all of your heart, but just can’t live with them. And that appears to have been the case with the Browns. I believe they genuinely fell in love, but either outside forces, inner demons, or perhaps a combination of things, made them decide to end their marriage.

Joyful Father/Daughter reunion.  (photo credit:  celebrity.yahoo.com)

Joyful Father/Daughter reunion. (photo credit: celebrity.yahoo.com)

As is the unfortunate case with many divorces, young children, if parents are not careful, can suffer collateral damage. They are not quite mature enough to make sense of it all, and may feel torn between the two sides in a strange adult-like game of tug of war. In this case Bobbi Kristina and her father were estranged a number of years before the heartbreaking death of her beloved mother.

It was extremely encouraging when Bobbi Kristina posted the above pictures via Instagram on June 15, 2014. Last year on Father’s Day they rekindled their relationship and were determined to become close again. Bobbi Kristina, in addition to the pictures, posted the following words:

“I got a running start! 😋 love you daddy! #familyfirst! Xxo”

“(: my face says it all.. 🙂 love you daddy!” and “#HappyHappyFathersDay,”

I am just so thankful they reconciled when they did, because they had no way of knowing what would happen only seven months later. Unbelievably, just when things seemed to be looking up for this family that had suffered so much misfortune, things once again took a turn for the worst, and Bobbi Kristina is now in a rehabilitation facility.

Most people are posting words of encouragement to her family. But the disturbing comments I referenced earlier have been targeted at Brown for wanting to be at his daughter’s side now, when she is seemingly unconscious, when he missed a lot of her teen years. What an outrage. Many parents want to be in their children’s lives after the dissolution of a marriage, and try their best, but sometimes the situation is less than desirable depending upon schedules, bitterness between the parents, or other logistics. Let them that have executed perfect child visitation, absolutely 100% of the time, cast the first stone.

Even more outrageous are the comments dismissing Brown as an opportunist because he didn’t pull the plug on Bobby Kristina after the first few weeks of unresponsiveness. Are you kidding me?  This is his child. Less than a seven months ago they just got their relationship back on track. I think these cyber bullies should just leave Brown alone, concentrate on having the best relationship they can with their own children, and pray nobody ever compounds their grief with criticisms should they find themselves faced with a similar decision as a parent. I thank you.

As the old Gospel song says, “the only time you should look down on a man is when you’re picking him up.”  I join the many others who have posted lifting Bobbi Kristina, Bobby Brown, Cissy Houston (Bobbi’s Grandmother) and the rest of the family in prayer for strength during this trying time.

Outdated irrelevant dinosaur…or do good manners still matter?

April 21, 2015
You catch more bees with honey than vinegar. (Photo credit:  www.flickr.com)

        You catch more bees with honey than vinegar. (photo credit:  http://www.flickr.com)

Good manners. Whether they were drilled into us, cajoled into us or we were simply following the examples lived by our parents, at some point in most of our lives, the concept of civility survived and thrived in our interactions with others. For the most part it’s all good. However, there are always a few bad apples in the bunch that tend to give the others a bad name.

This thought came to mind as I was eating some peanuts leftover from a certain restaurant that I frequent. I won’t mention the name, but this eatery is known for its good food, relaxing atmosphere, and allowing its patrons to toss peanut shells on the floor. You can also take a bag of the peanuts home to enjoy later, hence the ones I’m crunching on now.

But back to the story. I had called in a to-go order and the person on the phone said it would take about 15 to 20 minutes for my order to be ready. I was already near their location, so I decided to sit in my car and play with my phone to pass the time. A white SUV pulled up alongside of me and a couple got out with a little girl who appeared to be around three or four years old. She yelled hello in an effort to get my attention from the phone. I looked up and she was beaming as she told me they were going to eat. I said I was waiting on a to-go order, partly to make conversation, and partly to let her parents know I wasn’t some suspicious character in the habit of lurking around the parking lots of diners.

About two minutes later this same family came speed-walking back to their vehicle as if they couldn’t get away from the place fast enough. The dad was carrying the little girl whose smile was gone as she told me they were not going to eat. I asked the parents if everything was okay, to which the father replied, “Those heifers didn’t even look up, let alone greet us.” I expressed that I was sorry they’d had to put up with such rude behavior. They said they would not spend their money at a place where someone couldn’t spare two seconds for a quick hello or welcome.

So I walked in, truthfully but, as it turned out, naively thinking it wouldn’t happen twice in a row. Sure enough I walked in, and there were four young ladies at the counter with their backs to the door, whispering and giggling. Now I’ve worked in plenty of restaurants, and it is grueling work. So I don’t blame the hostesses (who appeared to be in their late teens/early 20’s) for taking a moment to laugh. My concern was that quite a few moments passed with no one acknowledging me at all.

Finally a manager came out and asked had I been helped. I said that not only had I not been helped, but that I hadn’t even been greeted. Furthermore, I told her that I know of at least one family they’d lost as customers for the same reason. After she made sure I had my order, she told the girls that they would have to do a better job greeting the guests. She reprimanded them in a quiet, professional tone and told them she didn’t need to hear any excuses, just needed them to do better. They cast shy glances and thanked me for coming as I made my way towards the exit. I felt better and will continue to eat there. They are young, and we’ve all been in the same situation. Hopefully this was their first adult lesson that old-fashioned good manners still go a long way. I thank you.

 

You called me a what? Veronica goes to pieces.

March 19, 2015
Drama in the House!!!  (photo credit:  atlantablackstar.com)

Drama in the House!!! (photo credit: atlantablackstar.com)

How many of you watch Tyler Perry’s “The Have and the Have Nots”? I watch the show, and just about always enjoy it. There are two things I’d like to discuss right now and they are: Mommy/Son Issues and Don’t Call Me That.

Mommy/Son Issues

What in tarnation is wrong with Veronica? Every mother has wishes of how she’d like her child(ren) to turn out. There is nothing wrong with having those images in our minds, but what is dead wrong is trying to forcefully impose those views on them like they are our property. It seems the better thing to do is teach them values and morals to the best of our ability when they are very young and yielding. Once they are adults and can make their own decisions, we can choose to accept them or not, but we have no right to try to have our preferences beaten in or out of them. To turn a dangerous felon loose on your own child is crossing the line.

Don’t Call Me That

That last scene in the posh hotel bar can be taken so many ways. It was a very deep scene encompassing many story lines, i.e. David and Veronica’s relationship, David and Maggie’s relationship, and the dynamic between Veronica and Maggie. But one of the biggest takeaways to me was Veronica’s reaction to being called a “B” by David. She has done crazy things before behind closed doors, but has always had a public-ready facade in place when the doors opened and cameras started rolling.

 
This Veronica did not give two fig newtons that they were in an open hotel lobby. When David called her that name, she dove headfirst over the cliff of fed-up-ness. And I submit to you that her outward expression of rage is what any of us really feel, would feel, or have ever felt when called that name. If it’s a first date and a man calls you that, thank God you dodged a bullet, and run for the hills. But can you imagine having been married all that time, having invested your time and energy in promoting the joint success of you both, having squeezed out a child for this man, and then he calls you that? Explode would be the most like reaction for many.

 
Far too many women have become desensitized to being called that word because it is so prevalent in music, movies, and now even on television shows. We’ve gotten so used to hearing it that some of us call ourselves and our friends that to try to make it have a positive connotation, as in “I’m a bad B”. Well no matter how it is prettied-up and presented, it is still an ugly hurtful word. And Veronica played out the rage that we would feel inside; even should we decide to stay in the relationship. The word has got to go! Well done Veronica and more of us should insist “Don’t Call Me that”. I thank you.

Kim K’s desperate ploy for Kanye’s affection

November 14, 2014
Kim:  Spend all your time in the studio huh?  I'll show you. (Photo Credits:  en.wikipedia.org)

Kanye West doing what he loves best. (Photo Credit:  en.Wikipedia.org

Kim: Spend all your time in the studio huh? I'll show you. (Photo Credit: en.Wikipedia.org)

Kim: Spend all your time in the studio huh? I’ll show you. (Photo Credit: en.Wikipedia.org)

By now we all or most of us anyway, have seen Kim Kardashian’s spread in Paper magazine. And it is raising uncomfortable questions. Why is Kardashian doing this? Oh sure, people joke about her infamous sex-tape and the years more than 15 minutes of fame it has led to. But over the years she has fought to put the negativity behind her and regroup. She grew up and matured into a respectable wife and mother.

Is it money? Well someone once said, “You can never be too rich or too thin.” None of us know what’s going on with the finances of Mr. and Mrs. Kanye West. However, it is probably safe to say that they are both earning at least a few cents over the federal minimum wage of $7.25 per hour. With a two-family income, they are presumably able to care for their daughter North without having to go on government assistance at this particular time.

Is it fame? I don’t know. It could be, but that doesn’t seem to be a feasible reason either. The magazine claimed that with these photos, they were going to try to “break the internet”. They wouldn’t assume that was going to happen if the pictures had featured Sally Sue from around the corner. So obviously the Kim Kardashian name is already well known.

Is it a cry to be noticed by her husband? I believe this is the most likely. Both Kardashian and West are busy people. But West is super busy. Not only is he a rap star, but he also frequently travels back and forth to Europe, meeting with various designers in his bid to be a fashion mogul. Try as she might to keep up, and she seems to go with him a lot, there are just sometimes mommy has to stay home with the baby; for example, if the child is too sick to travel.

Sometimes a husband’s devotion to business can appear to be a lack of caring. Not as egregious as cheating, mind you, but many women want their spouse’s time and emotional attention more than anything. Sometimes a woman will not step out to another person, but will act out in ways that will make the spouse angry. They feel like any attention is better than no attention. That’s my bet. No matter that it is the year 2014, and women do what they want.

I think Kardashian proposed to do something so ridiculous (I mean come on, full frontal nudity that all of his friends will see) that Kanye would say, “Baby don’t do it. I love and adore you far too much for the world to see the intimacies that should be shared between us only in love.” Apparently, and sadly, that didn’t happen, because she went forward the photo shoot. Not a good family look.

Do you agree dear readers? What are your thoughts or concerns?

JUST FRIENDS_2 DAYS OF LOVE WITH PAMELA KAY NOBLE BROWN

February 20, 2014

If you haven’t read “Handcuffs and a Pyramid of Satin” yet, please be sure to check out my excerpt featured today on the blog of author C. Michelle Ramsey.   🙂

 

Bored + Housewife = Trouble!

Bored + Housewife = Trouble!

 

WRITING MY DREAMS: Taking Your Emotions on a Roller Coaster Ride…: JUST FRIENDS_2 DAYS OF LOVE WITH PAMELA KAY NOBLE …: Sometimes a married woman can find herself in a relationship and feel so all alone. Sometimes that same married woman just needs a friend …

What Gives You The Right?

October 12, 2011

October is National Domestic Violence Awareness Month. These scary facts according to the National Coalition Against Domestic Violence (NCADV):

1. 85% of domestic violence victims are women.
2. One in every four women will experience domestic violence in their lifetime.
3. Boys who witness domestic violence are twice as likely to abuse their own partners and children when they become adults.

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